ultimate suckage!!!

ok so I hit my first object today in the car. it realy sucks I feel realy bad. gramps was with me and he wasnt visibly upset with me. he said he couldnt see eather. the sun was at its worst. I had stoped to get him from the car fix it place after he had droped off grannys van to be fixed. I was backing out of where I parked and hit a steal poll. there are picks on starroges site. its a prety nasty scrape. I dont think that any strucural damage was done. Im glad that I didnt crunck the whole trunk in. I feel like shit because of it though. makes me want to go back to driving the brown van. its a peice of crap with no ac but at least I wont be fucking up starroges car. there was a toyota van that granny wanted gramps to look at. maybe they will get it and I can drive one of the other vehicles. gramps is going to see if he can get some stuff to help hide the nasty uggly scratches that are now on starroges car.

I havent realy said a word to starroge since it happened. I feel so badly for the damage I did. I wish I had the money to fix it right. or to just get my own car so it wont happen to his again. Im a bit rattled and just dont feel like driving at all. but thats not an option to me realy I have obligations to the kids to get them from school. I had a dr apt today I didnt go to because I didnt want to drive. I know it probly seems silly the way I feel but its my first crunch in the car. so I guess Ill just let myself feel like crap untill I get a bit more confidence in my self.

love and light.