7-4

My brain has been so fuzzy recently. having a hard time with memory and just generally being functional. I think Ive connected it to my Dr. upping one of my meds. its the worst choice ever between being less depressed and so spacy its scarey. even now sitting here to make a post Ive forgotten all the things I wanted to say. I guess ill just keep going even though it might be a bit jumbled. its a big fat super frustrating not being able to collect my thoughts. not connecting that today was the 4th of july and thus a holiday causing businesses to be closed. I need to pay my rent still and the banks are closed...much stupid.

Ive started massage therapy in addition to my physical therapy. its brutal. the first apt left me with some serious deep tissue bruising over my shoulder blade and back and took a few days to lighten up enough that I was ok with things touching me. having clothing irritating you is well, irritating. second apt was with the lady who Im going to be seeing from now on. I like her much more than her stand in for the first apt. I feel the bruising but its not so much that its got me being afraid I'll touch one of the muscles that was abused. she also laid out a plan of attack for getting my muscles back to how they should be working. I like it when things are explained to me. I guess it makes me odd to enjoy having anatomy lessons wile someone is dealing with my body. having her explain what she is doing and why makes what she is doing easier to deal with. and it hurts a lot! she worked mostly on my chest and arm because my shoulder blade was still to painful from last session for her to do much with. the funny lump Ive developed on my breast bone isnt normal it seems. Im hoping it wont take long for the muscles in my chest to be less painful and she will be able to hit them again next session.

I know there was something else bit I cant remember what it was.....