Im back
so I know its been a realy long time and Im sure most of you arnt reading this anymore. Im back. I havent been able to get to my blog for some odd reason...well it finaly let me back in with my google account.
the last post was about me moving to washington. well we got here. the trip was long. we drove mostly at night and made great time in doing so. things are nice here. we live in a one room place that my land lord lovingly calls the hovel. its a great little place and we sure couldnt and wouldnt be here without its great rent. we live next door to my family wich is totaly great cause I get them and they get me but we get to have our space. good lord knows life is easier with space. thinking of being here without knowing anyone here would be realy depressing. and knowing me you know I dont need depressing. I get enough of that just being me. but after a long dark things are getting beter and I feel the shades of depression falling back to leave me basked in light. I need the light its been a realy long time since there has been any light with me. I feel the light coming back so maybe life will turn more for the beter. its been a realy long few months. things have goten realy bad and Ive wanted to run. run away and hide and wait for things to settle. but Im glad to say I havent run. Ive stayed and wile its been hellish on alot of people I feel like Im ready for something. lol I have no clue what that something is but Im willing to see and live. who knows if this is just a realy temporary feeling. who knows tomorow there might not be any light at all.
Im back in therapy. therapy is good. alot of time I think its bad therapy. bad in the way that I only get a very short time with my therapist once a week. its not realy bad just not what I want. I want to have a comfortable repor with my therapist and I dont. things feel mechanical. I go in and tell her how I Ive felt in the last week then we do some relaxation exercises and thats it. I realise she is trying to teach me to chill but it takes time that I could be getting into how I realy feel and give me a chance to talk about things more. time with her is just to short. 30 minutes feels like spilling a glass of water and not having the time to clean it up. the water just sits open and messy left to get stale and then evaporate leaving a stain. water stains and the stain lasts. hard water is a bitch.
my puppys are doing good. Brin loves the snow. he runs out in it and makes a fool of himself slipping and frolicking around. then when he is done with his running he trys to eat every bit of snow he sees. he makes me laugh. he has been a solid love to me even when I fell like poo he still wants to sit with his head in my lap and let me love on him. Raiden is doing well too. dont wana leave him out. Raiden is as mellow as ever. he gets the energy to play with brin alot but still plops his ass down when its time to sleep. he knows that he has to be touching me when I sleep. he likes to lay right up agenst my chest when I first get into bed. he knows that if he plops down there he will have my full atention. its hard not to give him atention when he is within licking distance of your face. doggy breath is never a good thing.
I wish I could find a job. Ive been looking for a wile now I just havent realy goten any responce from any of the places Ive put aps into. I need to do another round of calling places to see if they have had time to even consider my aps.
well enough for tonight see ya tomorow. and thus starts my trying to post every day. this is for me after all. its been so long Im sure most everyone has forgoten it even exists. I supose its for the best gives me a bit more emotional leway to right and not worry that anyone would realy care.
the last post was about me moving to washington. well we got here. the trip was long. we drove mostly at night and made great time in doing so. things are nice here. we live in a one room place that my land lord lovingly calls the hovel. its a great little place and we sure couldnt and wouldnt be here without its great rent. we live next door to my family wich is totaly great cause I get them and they get me but we get to have our space. good lord knows life is easier with space. thinking of being here without knowing anyone here would be realy depressing. and knowing me you know I dont need depressing. I get enough of that just being me. but after a long dark things are getting beter and I feel the shades of depression falling back to leave me basked in light. I need the light its been a realy long time since there has been any light with me. I feel the light coming back so maybe life will turn more for the beter. its been a realy long few months. things have goten realy bad and Ive wanted to run. run away and hide and wait for things to settle. but Im glad to say I havent run. Ive stayed and wile its been hellish on alot of people I feel like Im ready for something. lol I have no clue what that something is but Im willing to see and live. who knows if this is just a realy temporary feeling. who knows tomorow there might not be any light at all.
Im back in therapy. therapy is good. alot of time I think its bad therapy. bad in the way that I only get a very short time with my therapist once a week. its not realy bad just not what I want. I want to have a comfortable repor with my therapist and I dont. things feel mechanical. I go in and tell her how I Ive felt in the last week then we do some relaxation exercises and thats it. I realise she is trying to teach me to chill but it takes time that I could be getting into how I realy feel and give me a chance to talk about things more. time with her is just to short. 30 minutes feels like spilling a glass of water and not having the time to clean it up. the water just sits open and messy left to get stale and then evaporate leaving a stain. water stains and the stain lasts. hard water is a bitch.
my puppys are doing good. Brin loves the snow. he runs out in it and makes a fool of himself slipping and frolicking around. then when he is done with his running he trys to eat every bit of snow he sees. he makes me laugh. he has been a solid love to me even when I fell like poo he still wants to sit with his head in my lap and let me love on him. Raiden is doing well too. dont wana leave him out. Raiden is as mellow as ever. he gets the energy to play with brin alot but still plops his ass down when its time to sleep. he knows that he has to be touching me when I sleep. he likes to lay right up agenst my chest when I first get into bed. he knows that if he plops down there he will have my full atention. its hard not to give him atention when he is within licking distance of your face. doggy breath is never a good thing.
I wish I could find a job. Ive been looking for a wile now I just havent realy goten any responce from any of the places Ive put aps into. I need to do another round of calling places to see if they have had time to even consider my aps.
well enough for tonight see ya tomorow. and thus starts my trying to post every day. this is for me after all. its been so long Im sure most everyone has forgoten it even exists. I supose its for the best gives me a bit more emotional leway to right and not worry that anyone would realy care.
posted by graeye at 1:19 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home