3/23

so life is life so far nothing very cool to report. the back is still a back as painful as it is some days. my tail bone is the major issue for me lately. I'm really torn for what to do about it. I did some research about the anatomy of my lower spine and found that it must be my tail bone that is busted or at least damaged. if I had injured my sacrum ( the large bone above the tail bone) then I would be having problems with my spinal cord. since I'm not having problems with my spinal cord all it can be is my tail bone. reading some of the story's from people with tail bone injuries was disconcerting. a lot of people break there tail bones and don't even know why or how it happened. the most common cause of tail bone breakage is a fall or child birth. it surprised me to find that a third of people with the injury have no clue how it happened. doesn't that seem strange. I mean bones don't break by them selves. oh well I move on. I know that it is going to take some time for the injury to heal or like some people I will have to deal with it for the rest of my life. I'm hoping I'm one of the people that it heals up and I move on with my life. I mean isn't the past few months enough pain for me. at least I know I have more time to be hurting I'm not unreasonable about that. I just want it to stop. I'm getting to the point at night that I'm in so much pain I want to scream and cry and throw a fit. I know that that will accomplish nothing so I just go to bed knowing that the pain will be lessened by the morning. the only thing that lessens the pain is sleeping. sitting and standing are both on the list of things that makes the pain worse. one story I read was of a lady who didn't sit down for 12 years. I don't want that to be me. I will sit even though it hurts. after a point sitting doesn't hurt me any longer. I can get into a comfortable position and the pain isn't there any more. getting up on the other hand is very painful. its like all the pain I wasn't having wile sitting was building just waiting for me to get up so it could show its self . after sitting walking is a problem too. the pain just wont go away its tolerable while I'm standing but its definetly there. so my issue is how to get the pain to stop building on me sneakily while I'm sitting. dr always have us rate pain on a 1-10 scale of pain. well when I'm getting up from sitting its flashing to a 10 easily. the pain goes back down once I'm up, probably to a 5 or 6 but its still there. thank gods the pain in my butt is never a constant 10. I don't know what I would do with myself if it was. I guess Ill just hope that in a few months the pain will magically subside. the next few months is going to be a pain in the ass. no pun intended.