5-12

so I was doing a meme on LJ and it got me thinking a lot about the things I gave up coming to Texas to live with J. most of the people I considered my friends had faded away from me in the time I was with Marc. I did leave behind a lot of good SCA friends. and I do terably miss the
SCA. it was my home for most of the time I was with Marc. everything I needed socially I had to get there. it was good to me when I needed it most. but anyways back to my thoughts and continued thoughts on the loss of a great group of people. I miss my Sacramento friends the most. they were so great to me wile I was married to T and so supportive of me when him and I split. I'm not even sure what it is about them that I miss. maybe its the way I felt loved and wanted by so many people. I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life letting someone come between them and me. by the time I was seeing what was happening it was to late most of them were lost to me. I still talk to a few of them and I still feel the love for them that I had before burning in my brain. but it makes me really sad that I let them get away. I defenetly miss some of them more than others. Ive had run ins with some of them that were just yucky and left me seeing how much everyone had changed and how I wasn't used to the people they were anymore. I still feel the same but I'm probably not. I know that some of them I will never see again and that saddens me. but I keep hope around that maybe someday things will work out and Ill be in the right place at the right time. I seem to be missing old good times. partying with people I love. I'm defenetly not in a party world now. mostly my life is dull. work and home to sleep. no social life what so ever and only having the friends I live with. I guess I'm missing a social life. I'm being pouty. I don't want any social life I want my old one it was so good and nothing in the world is ever going to replace it. wow I miss having friends.