5/11

so I'm a total and complete dough head. I keep messing up the dinner plans. I want M to be cooking but I keep being the go between between J and M. M tells me one thing the day before and J asks me if something is ok to have for dinner and I totally blank about what M has said the day before. I have a siv for brains lately. I feel totally bad for continuing to mess things up meal wise. I don't mind cooking but M is a way better cook than I am. she has the imagination and drive to make totally kick ass meals. me I just cook to make food. now that T has had the weight loss surgery I think meals are going to be a lot weirder. he wont be eating real food for a few weeks so things aren't going to be the same. see usually M fixes the dinner meal and we all eat it. but with her main reason for kooking not eating I feel like things are going to be a bit off. I think that when he is able to eat meals again things will go back to normal. till then its going to be a mad house in the kitchen and we all are going to be suffering for it. I just hope we don't have to be eating my meals for ever. the difference between her cooking and mine is like comparing a really good restaurant to school food. yeah mine is adequate but hers rocks. I'm not even sure how things are going to be happening on the nights I have to work. I get home fairly early tomorrow so it shouldn't be an issue. but on the nights I get off later its going to blow. I hate eating late when I have to go to work the next day. going to bed with a full stomach is yucky. truth be told I would rather not eat than eat really late. going to bed with a full stomach makes it hard for me to get to sleep and I usually wake in the middle of the night with heart burn. all in all not so good for me having to wake up early and get my ass to work. granted I'm really glad T had the surgery but I didn't realize dinners were going to turn into a problem. hell its early still maybe I'm having dooms day predictions about it all and things will be fine in a few days. the whole weight loss surgery thing thats been happening around here has really set to going some pretty big changes. there are good sides and bad really. we eat very healthy meals now. M has found a lot of great ways to get around her dietary restrictions. I'm not a fan of artificial sweeteners but thats something I'm working past. most of the time I just keep my mouth shut about being able to taste them and not liking them. there was a lot of drama about the dietary changes when M first had the surgery. I guess some of the things I said or the way I said them upset some people. one being about not liking artificial sweeteners due to the really yucky taste of them. now I just shut up about the food. I eat whats being served and offer my help in cooking it if I can. I do like the fact that we are eating healthier. I as a general rule like food that is good for me. I suppose I shouldn't be stressing about the meals but I am the system we had before was working perfectly for me. I got home from work and there was something to eat. it was clear cut and worked for me with little fuss. now I'm worried if I have to make dinner when I get home from work. and what I'm going to be cooking. hell I don't even do the food shopping so right now I have no idea what there is to cook with. ok I really need to stop stressing. I'm just going to cross my fingers and hope that things go back to being better or I get more info on the subject.