6-25

got the stitches out today. it is sooo nice to be able to itch the ear let me tell ya. it looks good Ill have a little scar but nothing much. gonna go out to one of the hospitals in Seattle tomorrow to see about getting a CT scan to see when the freaking stone is gonna pass or if the evil thing even can. I also got a new rock today its about a 1 1/2 inch sphere of labradorite. its a beauty. its making me happy and right now thats a plus. being in pain sucks but with rocks its not so bad.

6-22

well the first 2 days with the rock in my kidney passed in a wonderful drugged haze. I figured since the pain was gone that was it it was through. well its not through the pain comes and goes. I'm playing the lets balance the drugs to pain ratio so I can function and still go to work. I now know that I can drive wile hurting like hell as long as I can not cry wile doing it. crying makes it harder to see. I can function on half a pain pill for 2 and a half hours at work then the pain becomes to much for me to be able to think strait. I have to figure out how to lengthen that time because I have a 7 hour shift on Tuesday. tomorrow is a 4 hour shift so it will be pretty easy to handle. I can hurt for an hour before I start throwing up. so I take the drugs before then and then skate through the next couple in a half drugged state. lol my coworkers think its funny to see me loopy on drugs. once I get off work I can make it the 20 minute drive home hurting like hell and then take lots of drugs to pass out in relative comfort. surviving like this isn't so bad as long as I don't start in with the vomiting cause the pain gets to be to much for my body to handle. as long as I can pee and there isn't to much blood in my urine I think I can ride it out for a couple weeks. if I can stretch the drugs life will be ok. I'm hoping and praying every time I pee there will be a rock. I can say for sure the pain sucks in a big way. I have the Dr. order from urgent care for the CT scan it things get to bad. yeah in a way knowing how big the stone is and at what stage I'm at in passing it...or if I can pass it at all would be great. having thousands of dollars of medical bills I cant pay isn't so great. I'm gonna see about applying for some emergency health care and see if I can get some help that way. when I'm hurting really bad and drugged I don't care much about anything. hell even riping my earing out didn't much faze me. when I'm sober I start to panic and weigh hurting so much with getting the care I should be and working on being over with this whole thing. everything is sucky and my brain so isn't working very good right now. I know I have to work lol even the piddly 15 hours I'm scheduled this week seems like an 80 hour week. I want time to go by so fast but its justed dragging on and all I can do is hurt my way through it. Ill take all the good thoughts anyone can send my way. oh and is any of this doesn't make sense blame it on the drugs ;)

6-18

a perfect recipe for a crappy night and a nasty few days to come.
add pain.
vomiting induced by previously mentioned pain.
peeing blood.
a trip to urgent care.
mix well and you get a kidney stone.
get the good drugs from my friendly nurse with a really big needle.
go to walgreens and get drugs.
rip your earing out wile getting back in the car to head home.
look in the viser mirror and say 'wow thats ugly.'
looking at Jer and having him say 'oh hell no.'
head back to urgent care for 12 stitches.

the drugs were so good that I was willing to just go home and hack off the chunk of skin hanging from my ear... gotta love the good drugs. today has been spent sleeping in between taking drugs. needless to say the trying to pee rocks officially sucks the big one. so I'm hoping in the next 2 days to pee out a rock so I don't have to go in and have it removed. the whole night sucked and the bill will be tolerable if I can pass the stone on my own. if I cant then its off to really big medical debt land.... not having insurance blows.

I tip my hat to those of you that carry the biggest set of balls ever and drive yourself to the hospital wile in kidney stone hell.

6-16

so my buzz...buzz...buzz in my ankle went away after some serious grounding suggested by a friend. the chat with her also helped me to blow off a lot of steam. life has been pretty good. work is on the slow side. Ive only been getting about 25 hours the last couple weeks. I like having so much time to myself but the check is going to suck. Ive been told my hours will go back up but I'm not sure when. things are just off at work they are still trying to figure things out since loosing the manager. we wont be getting another manager. the assistants are going to be doing the work instead. the newest girl hired is still in the iffy category as far as I'm concerned. she came from being a manager at another store and is treating every one here like she is still a manager. she isn't adjusting to being the low man on the totem pole well. I haven't really worked with her enough to make a decision about weather I like her yet. Ive only worked a few hours with her and some of the things she did just irked me. but she is still new and is likely still adjusting. Ill give her some more time before I decide what I think of her.

we have been playing WOW a lot lately. trav and shel are on a break from school so they have the spare hours to give to us instead of hitting the books for school. the summer quarter is a light one for them so we should be able to get lots of play time in. we were playing our warlocks last night and it was a blast. having 5 casters and there pets mowing stuff down is funny. we are all pink haired dwarfs. it started as a joke and is quickly going toward super amounts of fun in my book. the WOW is filling the time and helping me miss my mom and home a little less. I still have to work out a visit for morgan in the next couple months. we all would like her to come visit us for about a week. it could be fun and it could be a nightmare. I guess we will see how things work out.

6-4

yesterday was Jer's birthday. it was ok I hope/guess. we went out to Red Robin for dinner and it wasn't the best meal ever. the resterant was having issues to say the least and our poor waitress was frazzled. Jer was cranky. who knows why but he was. I had the day off from work. called and talked to my mom for a wile. Ive been missing her a lot. I'm feeling the need to see the property before she makes her move to Missouri. its going to be a few months before she moves so I have some time yet. she has a buyer for the property she is on now so all she is waiting on is for all her horses to foal and for the babies to be old enough to travel. wile I was talking to her we had a cow show up in the yard. it was odd. I was gonna try to catch it and get it back in its yard but Jerry just chased it off. someone did finally get it back to its home and fixed the fence so it didn't get out again. not much going on here really. I have developed an odd twitch though. have a buzzing in my left ankle. it feels like I have a tens unit on my ankle. the buzz is pretty constant and regular. its truly odd really. Ive grown used to it the past few days. when it first started I thought my phone was ringing and making my pants vibrate on my ankle. its a really odd sensation. it doesn't stop if I apply pressure to my ankle aether. its just a steady buzz every 4-5 seconds regular as can be. sometimes I just stop and pay attention to it...buzz...buzz...buzz. just something else to add to the list of weird in my life. yeah no one said I was normal.