10-27

had a pretty good day. hell after yesterday I needed it. yesterday right... we went to an adopt a pet thingy. it was cool and fun. we ended up really liking one of the dogs there. he was an 8 month old pit mix. his name was Oreo. not so thrilled with the name but that could have been worked with. anyways. we went down to the shelter to check out more options and to see mostly what was available. there wasn't a lot of dogs that would fit us so we decided to go for Oreo. we dilled out the forma and everything was going well. the lady did a check on our address and found that there had been cats turned in by someone who lived here. it was Shell who did it. she took the second litter of strays born under Jerry's house in to the shelter. well it was the lady's opinion that since someone from our address had turned in kittens and our dog wasnt fixed that it wasnt safe for us to addopt Oreo. yeah Im not dure what kind of logik that she was using but it sure didnt make sence to me or Jer. I mean how does it figure that because we want to limit the already large population of stray cats in our area and we dont have a neutered dog that we were bad or unsafe pet people. yeah I hate pople with power trips. Oh oh oh and she licenced raiden for us (because we hadent done it befor then) to the tune of 60 bucks. she was nice enough to tell us that if we got him fixed within 30 days they would refund us part of that. yeah the day kinda blew. getting my hopes up about a great little dog just to have some bitch tell me I was irisponcible. Raiden has no offspring. he has never been in a situation with or without me that he could have goten anybody. hell he is never outside without me or Jer. it just pisses me off to have people make snap decisions about me or my animals. hell she just stoped listening to us after she told us it wasnt 'safe' to let us adopt a dog. yeah Im bitter.

anyways today was cool. we passed a rock shop wile heading to the shelter yesterday. I decided to check it out. the place is so awesome. love it. and there is a Gem, Opal and Minneral show on the second weekend of November. Im so going to that. the rock shop happens to be by a theatre so I went to the movies too. it was kinda weird going by myself but still movie like. I went looking to see Max Payne but ended up seeing The Secret Life of Bees instead. it was an ok movie for a chick flick. it made me cry but it was ok. my therapist recomended it. she also recomended that I go to the theater by myself. Ive been wanting to go for a wile now but wouldnt go because it was scaring me to go alone. I dont know that Ill take her advice on a movie again but it wasnt to bad. there was a See's Candie shop next to the theater so I got some candy too. so the day was rocks movies and candy. a prety good day really. after spending an hour in the rock shop I was feeling so good it didnt faze me to go to the movie by myself.

10-24

ok so a small glass of wine with dinner and Im toast. that little flass lit my world up. yeah you know I dont drink much when I get way drunk of a glass of wine. now Im gona come down and go to bed. lol who knows I might still be drunk in a couple hours. Im such a light weight. I dont drink for a reason. Im drunk and horny and all I get to look forward to is sleep and a busy day tomorow starting at 6. wow I have to go to bed in an hour. maybe being outside for a wile in the cold will sober me up some. dinner is way more amusing when more than half of the people are drinking!!

10-15

so yesterday was rough. today sucked to but its getting better. had to take Raiden in today to get some holes checked out. one of the times Brin attacked him yesterday he hurt him. the vets were great and gave me a cheaper price than usual. nice of them after the chunk of change spent yesterday with Brin. Raiden is going to be fine and should heal great. he is a sweet boy. every one at the vets office loved him and the vet wanted to take him home. Raiden can be a charmer. we went out to my work to get treats so he would have something to chew on wile I was at work tomorrow. Im trying to stay busy but I still feel tired and I miss my other boy.

10-14... again

yeah putting your dog down or any animal really sucks the big one and not in a good way. I'm tired and worn out. I feel empty. the pain in my heart after leaving the vets office was horrible. worse in a way than loosing Roudy. Roudy was my first dog he got hit by a car way back when I still lived in CA. I feel lost. I keep feeling like I should be doing something but I cant figure out what it is. I havent even been reading just chatting with Jer and sitting in my house. Syd came down and is just hanging out and doing her home work from school. I feel bad but I know I did the right thing. the people Ive talked to today are all validating the rightness of what had to be done. Ill miss Brin waking me up in the middle of the night to go out side. that sounds stupid

10-14

today is turning out to be a pretty rough day. I have an appointment a 2:40 to have Brin put down. its hard and crappy but I think its time. he is way to unpredictable to be safe now. he has attacked raiden 4 times already today. he went after him in the middle of the night last night. its scary to wake up to the dogs fighting on the bed with you. Brin has never been quit right so we have known for a wile now that we were going to have to put him down. it just sucks to have to do it. I love him so much so its really hard. puting him down now is easier than having to put him down after he kills Raiden or another dog. there have been other times that I thought I would have to but I always said no lets wait and just went on dealing with him being crazy. It cant wait now things have just goten to bad with him. sad, Im just realy sad.

10-7

the day was going good till I tried to do something with my comp. I rented movies but I don't have the right stuff installed to watch them. its lame. then I cleaned the shit out of the house. that didn't take long really. then I went and switched keyboards. my old one had a sticky enter key that was really iritating. geting used to this one is going to be fun. its Jers old key board so its got plenty of keys where the letters are missing. not so much fun for me really who doesnt touch type. I dont know why I decided to do this today when I was already agitated. whats another few notches down on the pissy scale in the whole skeam of thing right. yeah Im thinking I have to get out of the house now so I dont kill my dog. the inscesant growling is driving me even more crazy.

10-4

so I didnt end up getting to see Beka again befor she had to head home. Ith eone night we did get was way cool. Im sad about not getting to see her again but the cold I have is the suck and I didnt want to pass it on to her and her family back home. she is making noise about coming and visiting later though and bringing her guy with her. it would rock to see them both and acualy have time to visit with them.