being social

ok so I just had the most fab afternoon in a long time. went to aply for a job and they need a resume that I didnt have so now I have to make one to take to them tomorow.... anywways afterward went to IHOP for something to drink and a bite to eat. got there and got abandoned by my weighter. there were some people just hanging out so I went and sat with them wile I waited for some one to knotice I was there and wanted service. got to chating with people and more people joined in and it was so great. Id forgoten what its like to be in a big group of people just hanging out ank shooting the shit. had so much fun. Im feeling a bit high at the moment Im not sure if it was the coffe or the fact that I havent realy dome that since beiing here. Ive led a prety solitary life here. Im defenetly thinking its time to find some cool people to hand out with. Id forgoten what a releif it can be to spend energy on nothing at all but having fun. even though I didnt know any of the people I was hanging out with there were no uncomfortable minutes waiting on someone to say something. it was just like we had all mew eachother for ever. it was very comfortable and plesant. Id forgoten how chatty I can be. it even got to the point that wvery one was chatting at once and everyone was still listening. it was like I was back with Colin and the old group everyone was excepting of me. made me feel normal for a minute. acualy spent like 5 hours there. god it was like a vacation to my mind. anyways ust riding the social high. Ill have to remember to seek it again soon.

love and light

puppies

what is it with people saying they want a puppie and then a week later saying they dont. its so frustrating everytime I think I have a puppy gone the people back out on me. its not making it easy to get rid of the little terrors.

bleeding

cold and raged and wanting gasping
wishing there was air holding a feeling
bashing a wall that grows thicker and thicker
desolate and bleading watching the waves receding
seeing the sun wishing the moon would never come
spending precous moments feeling torn and open
waiting on healing seeing a light grasping and reaching
seeing the fading wish receading
holding the the crying child beaten
wishing there was some end greeting
flesh open and bleading holding it there waiting for healing
looking and seeing a far light
running and falling and still fighting
torn by thorns riped open congealing
holding inside the only feeling
thinking and knowing its the only meeting place
waiting on something
knowing its there but ever reaching
giving all and never receaving
knowing its waisiting the only energy left
but beleaving and holding the only heart beating
taking the pills and waiting for the nothing
the vanishing of the only feelings the desolation
in the end finaly seeing the one left behind
forgoten and bleading
still reaching and pleading fighting the only thing holding
suporting it all with made up feelings
see it all through a tunnel but feel the pummeling
the flesh thats open the wound healing
energy forming and tearing the only good thing going
fighting it all with fear and hurting
darkness faiding fighting for light and the air pulsing
taking the breath so long in years coming
drounding and bleading waiting on feeling
seeing the light of the goddess pulsing
following steps to a tree growing
bowing and kneeling sensing something coming
seeing the earth grow with needing
feeling it all and still bleeding
wanting the something ever searching fighting and seeing
so far away is this light needing
searching and runnign following this light pulsing
reaching and touching the flame burning
having it mine to make it ever knowing
its never over it keeps on going the light fading
touching the wounds ever bleeding

what is it...

what is it about puppies that seems to take everything away. all I have to do is sit with them and touch there fur and smell there breath. the world simply disapears. there is no sadness no wrong just the simplicity of there little steps and the look of contentment in there eyes. there are no thoughts just moments of pure right.

I know Im going insane I crave the tine with them. when I get home from work I need to see them when I feel off I crave there little paws on me there sharp teeth pulling at my clothes and digging at my toes. they are poetry to me. If I could stop time it would be then when Im with them. Im seriously considering a vipassana retreat. I think about it alot when Im with the pups. blocking everything out but one thing like I do with them. dont know when Ill be able to do it though cause its 10 days I have to take to do it. I just feel like I need to make it something Im going to do. I want to do it cause I think I will be able to get that puppy feeling there. that feeling like everything is ok no mater how it realy is.

yeah I know its weird but so am I.

love and light

3and a half weeks

here are the next set of picks . this is momma.
all the little rats playing
arthur taking swats at daphne
orion
orion again
daphne
daphne being humiliated cause I picked her up
daphne again
my beautifull brin
arthur and daphne. arthur has the most vivid blue eyes. Im hopin the blue eyes stay with the pups.

puppies 3 weeks 2 days

so there big!!! hoping to have more picks tomorow. the tan one I or I should say gramps named Arthur. the brindle on I named Brin. the little girl is named Daphne. and the little black boy I named Orion. Orion or 'Rion is the most inquisitive of the bunch. Arther and Brin are just happy to watch the workd and go 'cool'. Daphne is well Daphne she is a little bossy prissy thing. the loves to growl at the others and pick on the others. Auther is going to be a big couch potato Jer thinks. he is so mellow and laid back. Brin is just Brin my beautifull boy. they all have blue eyes. Arthurs are the lightest the color of the sky. they are all a joy and its going to be hard to give them to there new parents wich by the way have all been picked out. in 5 weeks they will be on there way. dont worry Ill continue the updates till they are off on there merry way.

love and light

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