7-26

Im finding myself a little upset this morning. wile reading up on Google + posts I saw a bunch of pictures of an event that I was obviously at that I totally dont remember. the only thing I so remember is a cake...so crazy. Ive been faced with this a few times in the last couple years. talking to people and seeing pictures of things that I just dont remember happening. its more than a bit scary. why dont I remember? its driving me a bit crazy really.

in other news things are going well with my L&I case. I have my IME this Saturday. Im eager to get it done and move forward. I dont know if the IME is going to lead to my case being reopened or a new case opened. aether way Ill be able to get my shoulder back into working order and get back to work. Ive been feeling prety desprate lately to get back to work. I feel badly that the raise Jer just got is going to picking up the financial slack of me not working instead of us catching up and paying down bills and getting stuff done that we want to. on a good note Im being told by a few different sources that I should be able to get back disability as soon as my case is opened. that if it does happen will be good and I really hope it happens.

7-13

things are progressing with my L&I but far to slowly for my liking. Im currently waiting on an independent Dr. to review my case. the next available apt is on the 30th. that just seems like way to long to wait. Im hoping for an opening I can jump into before then.

there is more drama going on in the house. one of the roommates is growing pot in his room. he says he has a green card... aether way not thrilled about it. the house as a whole is not happy with it. Jer and I are saving money to move. Ive just lost the will to be here. to fight all the crap that comes through. some people look to me to deal with most of the crap going on in the house. sometimes I try to make things better but mostly I dont want to deal with it. being the house 'mom' blows and I just dont want the responsibility. Im unsure if when we move it will be just us or if we will have roommates again. on one hand I would miss having other people around but then again not having to rely on other people to pay there bills and be reliable would be great. the worst is waiting on the funds and finding a place to be that is not here. Im so tired of here.

7-7

Today has not been a great day so far. Ive been checking on the status of my L&I regularly and kicking people in the but where I need to. today was the first time I actually got to talk to my state worker. it wasnt a good conversation. everyone Ive been dealing with so far has been clear and suportive and has taken the time to listen to me. my talk with the state guy was more like I dont have time to talk to you, dont interupt me when Im talking and I dont want to hear whats going on send me a fax. I realize he handles a lot of cases and couldnt know what was going on with mine but wow I feel useless at the moment. he got into my case and said I should get a letter with further instructions. the other state people have at least taken the time to catch me up on things as they see it in my file. this guy was like I have 3 options grant the reopen, flat deny or send for a letter of clarification. " I sent you a letter. respond to it and Ill review things again. you will be getting a letter after I re review. " the guy seemed like he was pissed that I called. first day working with all this that I feel pounded on and like Im making no headway at all. Ill talk to my dr tomorrow cause she isnt in today and see what she is puting in her letter. Ill work on my letter to him today. I hate the days when its hard and I dont feel like Im getting anywhere and its to much to continue. I will keep doing it I have to but that doesnt stop the feeling that its all for not. having state guy 'reassure' me that most cases like these get denied is not helping my mental state any at all. bleh.