Fixing the title image

Sorry for letting the title image die. I made it, you'd think I'd want it to be shown in all it's glory (it's damned cool, I must admit). So, it's back now.

4-24

"I've learned that you cannot make some love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in." its so true it hurts and it struck me as funny so I decided to share.

4/23 again

so we had a really fun meal for dinner. Michelle gave me the recipe and told me to make it wile she was away at dr appointments today. it was supposed to be a cheesy meat loaf but it turned out to be crock pot cat food jello. its not a meal that we will be having again. the idea wasn't bad but in reality the turkey used just didn't translate well into this particular dish. it was lots of fun though bagging on the cat food we had for dinner. it was edible but barely. it resembled cat food in all aspects. it even smelled like canned cat food. oh well another recipe down maybe tomorrow will be better.

4/23

the week was good all in all. a funny thing did happen last night though. I was getting off work a little late cause they needed me to help with OT cause they were so short staffed. anyways I was going out to my car and I saw some kids checking car doors. they were just going down the line checking for open cars. I went back to the store and got the police that were there still from chasing off some kids that were selling stuff in front of walmart without permission from the store. so the cops went back with me and lo and behold the kids had hit my car and were inside cause I don't lock my doors. they hadn't hurt my car yet but were about to pop the ignition so they could steal my car. the cops took them away. and I got to go home with my car. It was funny the thing that went through my head was not oh fuck they are gonna take my car but shit I'm going to miss dinner. Its my favorite meal it would have sucked to miss it. Michelle is such a good cook and I love the communal meals we have every night. granted it would have totally sucked if my car had been stolen. not having a way to get around blows and we really need for me to have the van right now. I think of it as a bit of a life line. not that Jers car is bad but the van is mine and I love it. so after a bit of excitement I made it home fine van intact. well mostly she is dieing a slow death but for the moment she still works and thats all I care about. we are talking of replacing the van as soon as Jer has a job. it would be great to have a new car but Ill miss the van. I basically learned to drive in it and when it is time to get rid of it its going to make me cry. I'm totally and hopelessly attached to my van. I know I'm silly and sentimental. I don't suppose its a bad thing really. I wish I had gotten my license years before I did. people used to tell me it would give me a huge sense of freedom and it does. I'm actually really scared of being without a vehicle. Ive had to go to work a couple times without the van and those days totally sucked. having to wait and see if someone was going to forget to come get me from work. I pray a little every time I get into the van that it will last me till we get a new car. the van has almost 220,000 miles on it. it has a slow oil leak and has no AC. the AC thing doesn't bother me really cause I know how to roll down my window and it really doesn't get that hot here. mostly I'm just worried that one day I'm going to go out and the van just isn't going to start and its not going to be something we can afford to fix. hell I'm not even sure if its really worth fixing her if she did break. it would be nice to have a new car. I'm sure Ill get over that first car love thing. a wile back when we bought Jers car the lot we got his car from wanted to buy the van. I was like hell no fuck off my van buddy. it hadn't really dawned on me how attached to the van I was till then. since then I have a total new appreciation to the van. its mine and I'm sure Ill never feel the same about another vehicle again. does it make me silly for loving a car. maybe but for my van Ill do it she has been good to me so Ill do the same to her. speaking of the van I have to go check the oil.

4/16

today was good. I was supper tired this morning going to work but I made it through the day. this is a long week for me I'm working my normal 4 days but its all in a row. I got so used to working a day and having a day off then working a couple more and having a day off that I got spoiled. I kinda like having the broken work week. it means I don't get burned out by work as much. next week is back to being broken up so I'm looking forward to it. we went out and played Frisbee after dinner tonight. it was really fun to bad I work really late the next couple days. Ill miss the next few outings with the new toy. they played a really long game yesterday wile I was at work. I should be able to play lots next week cause I have the 10-7 shift and there is plenty of light to play by after dinner. I think I like it most cause we are all doing something fun together. we haven't had something this social for a wile. its nice and I'm looking forward to more.

4/14

having a sucky day today. I keep forgetting to get my meds from the pharmacy. I need to have them transfered to the pharmacy at my work so I can get to them easier. I'm on a mission. I'm fat. I don't have the clothes I need when they change over to a dress code at my work. I have some left over stuff from Texas but it doesn't fit. I need to loose quite a bit of weight. I'm going to lose the weight no mater what I just cant afford not to. so I'm going to stop eating all the shit thats bad for me and drop the 50 lbs that I need to loose. the exercise from physical therapy is good for me at the moment but its only going to be going on for another month. exercise seems to be my biggest problem so far I just don't have the motivation to do it on my own. trav says that it would be nice to join a gym after he has lost some weight from his weight loss surgery. right now with as tight as money is its not going to happen for us. maybe when Jer gets a job we will have the extra every month but I'm not holding my breath. I'm in the frame of mind that its going to be till he is well out of school for him to be working again. its sucky but the way things are going thats the way its going to be. I could be bitter about it but I just don't have the energy to spend on it. with or without him I still have to be doing what I'm doing work wise. hell right now thats all Ive got go to work and come home so I can do it again.

4/6

today was so nice out. I'm starting to get into wanting summer to be here already. Shel made the yummy stuff for dinner frilled chicken and photatoe salad its like potato salad but made with cauliflower instead of potatoes. it was the supper yummyness. things have been good. I did have a bit of a freak out session a couple nights ago. I think I just really needed a good cry. I do feel better having done it though I'm going to try to keep the emotional spillage to a minimal. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I haven't had one of my meds in a couple day. yes I'm getting more so things will be back to normal soon. I don't remember if I mentioned it before but we were going to be getting bikes with my tax money. well tax money came and went and still no bikes. I'm totally bummed but cars broke and had to be fixed so fun stuff got pushed to the back burner. hopefully my mom will be bale to help me out with a loan soon and somethings will get taken care of then. it would be so nice to have the bikes. I would love to go riding on the trails on my days off. oh well all I can do is wait and hope things will work out soon.